Splitting Up Gifts

'YES! But it's no ones fault, Jim... Unless you REALLY want to know what you did wrong?'

Divorce Sale

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"She loves you... yeah... yeah... yeah..."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"I can't believe he brought her."

The prying mantis,

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

Blues artis's daily list

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

Can we talk about our attorney-client relationship?

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'