Break-up Gifts

'I guess this means it's over between us.'

'I'm sorry, Frank, but I think I need some space.'

'After living together for ten years, we now realize that the only thing we have in common, is common law.'

"I'm having my wedding ring melted down into a bullet."

Woman sits on one-half of desert island that has been split in two: 'Call it intuition, Harold, but I feel as if we're drifting apart.'

"Whadda you mean, 'the chemistry is gone'?"

'We weren't compatible. I'm all Facebook while he's so Myspace.'

"I'm just not ready for a deep-sea relationship."

'I must admit... I thought you left months ago.'

'Never trust a man with testicles.'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

'I hope you'll dump me... I want to start writing poetry.'

'You're better off without him.'

"The liposuction will help Mrs Miggins...but it won't make him disappear competely!"

'I think our marriage would make a great country song.'

'It's nothing personal. I've just broken up with an owl and i'm not ready for another inter-species relationship yet.'

"Are you sure you're not just trying to get back at Josh by sleeping with his avatar?"

"It's time to split the Hosta funkia!"

"You just can't accept that I've found someone 'extra special'." Best bitter / Pale Ale / Tennants Very Very Strong Lager.

'I'm sorry Roger, it's not you, it's the way you move, it's just so bizarre.'

'Yes, of course you can see me again. I'll send you a photo.'

Chalk and cheese.

"This will nver work, David. Your family is significantly less non-obvervant than mine."

"I think we should start hating other people."

"You have a right to know—I've been married occasionally."

"I want to see other men, George, so I'm making you a temp."

Home Sweet Home

"I think we should climb other people."

"Plastic man can steal anybody's girlfriend."

"I said our marriage was a 'go', Brenda. I didn't say it was a 'confirmed go'."

"Help me out here. Is It's seeing you again is the 'furthest' or the 'farthest' thing from my mind?"

"The fact is, I miss your nitpicking."

"Sorry, David, but I'm strictly catch-and-release."

"I want you to leave and take your headlong slide into oblivion with you."

Bradbury, Cavalli, Lennon & Kleiner: Her Lawyers