Relationship Breakup Gifts

"Sorry Frank, but I can no longer go on with this charade. Not only am I not your best friend, I'm not even sure if I like you at all."

'Be quiet, I'm trying to tell you that I don't love you anymore, and the marriage is off!'

'Myself, I'm not a morning person, so I'm definitely not interested in one of those up-at-the-crack-of-dawn types, you know what I mean?'

The final all-toast supper at apartment 5-B

'She's walking all over you. Move on. And never run on hardwood floors.'

'How are your wedding plans coming along?'

"Since my wife left me, I haven't slept a wink. . . she took the bed with her!"

"Last night, he was a sex addict. Today, he's a not calling addict."

"Well, at least he was tasty."

"I have no idea what I ever saw in you."

DIVORCE COURT, 'Are you free for dinner later?', 'See what I mean?'

'Isn't that a girlfriend of yours? Yes, three chequebooks ago.'

Separate tables, separate beds, separate umbrellas, separate heads.

'I'm sorry Guy... I'm leaving you for John Lewis.'

"Fred, I'm leaving you for Kevin. I can't be with a man who has no ambition."

"I've been divorced for six years and I'm still feeling aftershocks."

"This time, she went too far."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"She loves you... yeah... yeah... yeah..."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"I can't believe he brought her."

The prying mantis,

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."