Relationship Break Gifts

"Frankly, Dolores, I'm tired of being your piñata."

"I don't want a divorce, but I would like a gap year."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Great Therapy!'

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

The prying mantis,

"She loves you... yeah... yeah... yeah..."

"I can't believe he brought her."

"We don't talk anymore."

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"