Relationship End Gifts

"If you really want to know why I'm dumping you, you may want to check out my website where there's a long detailed explanation posted."

Me and Ian...we've split up. Yes! Thank you God! Oh no, that's awful...

Baldo and Smiley release each other's hands as they split up.

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

"The whole time we were dating, he kept saying, 'You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

"Why can't you just learn to floss like other men?"

"Do we go out or do we stay home and open a can of worms?"

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

"Being with you is just getting too surreal for me, Larry."

"Out of all your 277 passwords, not once did you use my name. Are you losing feelings for me?"

"It could never work between us."

Hollywood Breakup

"Sorry Frank, but I can no longer go on with this charade. Not only am I not your best friend, I'm not even sure if I like you at all."

"What flower says you're sorry without admitting wrongdoing?"

"I like an attentive lover, but these feedback forms are ridiculous."

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

'Of course the physical side of your relationship's broken down, you've let yourself go!'

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

Tunnel of like.

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

Ice Cream Flavors

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

A man sews broken hearts back together.

The first time I saw you Cupid must have fired an arrow....And he hasn't stopped yet.

'Do you Margaret take Charles to be your etc, etc, etc...just hit the 'I agree' button.'