Ending A Relationship Gifts

'Thought he was God's gift to women. We decided to return him.'

"I want to go back to how things were before we knew each other."

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

Generation Ex.

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"She loves you... yeah... yeah... yeah..."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

The prying mantis,

"I can't believe he brought her."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

Blues artis's daily list

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"Sorry Darling, you are fabulous, but I'm searching for MY Prince too!"

'I was dumped by my girlfriend.'