Relationship Ending Gifts

It's just not going to work. I'm looking for a mole with more tunnel vision.

"You're history, Leonard."

"We'd like a nice, quiet table where I can dump him."

Hollywood Breakup

'So you came all the way from Aberdeen to say you've found someone else and you're over me?!' 'Yes! I wanted to see the pain and sense of loss in your eyes.'

"Harry and I are not on the same page anymore."

Nifty ways to dump your lover; use the toilet seat as a picture frame.

Giving the elbow.

"If we're going to divorce, I suppose we'd better divide our friends up between us..."

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Being with you is just getting too surreal for me, Larry."

"It could never work between us."

"Sorry Frank, but I can no longer go on with this charade. Not only am I not your best friend, I'm not even sure if I like you at all."

"What flower says you're sorry without admitting wrongdoing?"

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

Ice Cream Flavors

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

A man sews broken hearts back together.

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

'Don't take it the wrong way, we could always be friends'

'I can't talk to my wife - all she says is `Baaah! Baaah!`!

"He just married me on the rebound."

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

I'm sorry, Dick. I think we should start seeing other demons.

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

Generation Ex.

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

"It's not you—it's natural selection."

"I can be changed!"

'What are you doing trying to tempt me?? I told you I was through with you!!'

"I never said 'I love you'. I said 'I love ya'. Big difference!"

"I watched that Marie Kondo program on decluttering and decided to get rid of Norman."

The final all-toast supper at apartment 5-B

'It's not you...it's your carbon footprint!'