Relationship Termination Gifts

"'Holy cow... She can't spell for #!@*. Is that a 'T' or an 'L'? This entire letter is a grammatical nightmare!"

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"It could never work between us."

"Being with you is just getting too surreal for me, Larry."

Hollywood Breakup

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

"Sorry Frank, but I can no longer go on with this charade. Not only am I not your best friend, I'm not even sure if I like you at all."

"What flower says you're sorry without admitting wrongdoing?"

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

A man sews broken hearts back together.

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

'I can't talk to my wife - all she says is `Baaah! Baaah!`!

Ereptile Dysfunction

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"He just married me on the rebound."

Generation Ex.

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

I'm sorry, Dick. I think we should start seeing other demons.

'Don't take it the wrong way, we could always be friends'

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

'You have to learn to communicate and share your feelings. Open Twitter accounts.'

"You constantly saying 'I'll see you Monday' won't change the fact that you're fired."

"It's not you—it's natural selection."

Maybe I was wrong?

'What are you doing trying to tempt me?? I told you I was through with you!!'

'I didn't even know she was angry until she started shooting.'

It's just not going to work. I'm looking for a mole with more tunnel vision.

The final all-toast supper at apartment 5-B

"After ten years at the company, the boss finally noticed my work...he fired me!"

"Well, Martha, I certainly hope your Scrabble victories keep you warm at night!"

"I wanted this to work, too James, but it's time we accepted it - I am entirely grass and you are clearly some part of the cat's face."

We have to accept we'll never be together – we're both corner pieces.

'It's not you...it's your carbon footprint!'