Friendship Breakup Gifts

"No, I get it. At some point, every friend I've ever had needs to take a break from me."

"Erza, I'm not inviting you to my birthday party, because our relationship is no longer satisfying to my needs."

Best Friends

"What the...? He un-best friended me!"

"Gaby broke up with her BFF? That's awful."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

The prying mantis,

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"She loves you... yeah... yeah... yeah..."

"I can't believe he brought her."

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

Blues artis's daily list

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'