Break-up Pillows

"I'm having my wedding ring melted down into a bullet."

'I'm sorry, Frank, but I think I need some space.'

'After living together for ten years, we now realize that the only thing we have in common, is common law.'

"Whadda you mean, 'the chemistry is gone'?"

Woman sits on one-half of desert island that has been split in two: 'Call it intuition, Harold, but I feel as if we're drifting apart.'

"Are you sure you're not just trying to get back at Josh by sleeping with his avatar?"

"It's time to split the Hosta funkia!"

"I'm just not ready for a deep-sea relationship."

'Never trust a man with testicles.'

'I hope you'll dump me... I want to start writing poetry.'

Chalk and cheese.

'I must admit... I thought you left months ago.'

'I'm sorry Roger, it's not you, it's the way you move, it's just so bizarre.'

'You're better off without him.'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

"The liposuction will help Mrs Miggins...but it won't make him disappear competely!"

'It's nothing personal. I've just broken up with an owl and i'm not ready for another inter-species relationship yet.'

"You just can't accept that I've found someone 'extra special'." Best bitter / Pale Ale / Tennants Very Very Strong Lager.

'Yes, of course you can see me again. I'll send you a photo.'

'I think our marriage would make a great country song.'

"You knew I was straight when you married me."

"Well, it's a lovely gesture, but I still think we should start seeing other people."

"I think we should start hating other people."

"You have a right to know—I've been married occasionally."

"Wait! Come back! I was just kidding about wanting to be happy."

"An 'Irish divorce' doesn't have quite the same ring to it as a 'Mexican divorce'."

"I'm sending you to summer camp."

"I'm sorry, Edgar, but now that I've taken you apart and put you back together you no longer interest me."

"Sorry, David, but I'm strictly catch-and-release."

"I want you to leave and take your headlong slide into oblivion with you."

Bradbury, Cavalli, Lennon & Kleiner: Her Lawyers

"I'm sorry, Nathan, but I need to color outside the lines."

"It's Nation We're History Month."

"I was on hormone replacement for two years before I realized I needed Steve replacement."

"Wait a second- you and I still have a lot of finished business."