Splitting Up Pillows

'YES! But it's no ones fault, Jim... Unless you REALLY want to know what you did wrong?'

Divorce Sale

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"I can't believe he brought her."

"She loves you... yeah... yeah... yeah..."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

The prying mantis,

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

Blues artis's daily list

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

'Of course I hired Andrew. He's the best divorce lawyer around! Unfortunately, he's also the rat I want to get divorced from...'

Can we talk about our attorney-client relationship?