Parting Ways Pillows

"We both knew this day would come."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

The prying mantis,

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"I can't believe he brought her."

"She loves you... yeah... yeah... yeah..."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

"But if you leave New Orleans, you'll be just another sandwich."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

Blues artis's daily list

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

'Of course I hired Andrew. He's the best divorce lawyer around! Unfortunately, he's also the rat I want to get divorced from...'