Family Splitting Up Pillows

"Man with 'Mom and Dad' tattoos on either arm - "It's a real shame about your parents splitting up."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

'Of course I hired Andrew. He's the best divorce lawyer around! Unfortunately, he's also the rat I want to get divorced from...'

Can we talk about our attorney-client relationship?

"The house doesn't seem big because the kids are gone - it seems big because we've shrunk so much."

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

"I'll bet there's a story there."

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"I'm leaving you, Steven....It's all there in my text message."

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"Oddly enough I'm flattered my wife's attorney thinks I'm so successful."

Separations.

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

Parson and abandoned husband

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

"I want out, Laura."

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

"While we've got the chance, Dad, we'd like to thank you for these little glimpses of you we've had through the years!"

'The children are leaving the nest, honey! They're not diving in the Olympics...That was at leas a 6.5 by the way.'

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'

Warring parents

"No heroic measures."

"I'm not a vindictive person, Charles. When your chickens do come home to roost I hope they're free range chickens."