Marital Split Pillows

'My wife's left me for a man with more Nectar points...'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

Parson and abandoned husband

Diplomacy

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

Lady Justice Balances A Marriage Quarrel

'Stay, Rusty!'

"Of course, your case against him would be a lot stronger if you had made him sign a pre-peccadillo agreement."

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

"Give it all you got is the motto of my wife's divorce attorney."

'It's a surprise for my husband, he isn't going.'

"So Mr. Claus, there is a Virginia!"

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

'He left me five minutes after he got his new National Health glasses.'

"Honey, you've forgotten your grief case."

'It's not you...it's your carbon footprint!'

"After 40 years of marriage, she told me I had "husband ears" and left!"

"Your wife said 'Shoot the clown of all I care.' But I'm sure can negotiate there."

"Well. Firstly, I can't take the case because I'm not a divorce lawyer and secondly, I'm your husband."

"You're welcome. Glad you like them."

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

'He left me for a guy. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel.'

The number of couples separating keeps growing.

'When you finally decided to communicate, neither of you said anything worth listening to?'

"It's a 'get worse soon card' from your ex wife."

'Robert's been very jumpy lately.'