First Breakup Gifts

"I'm really not that upset about breaking up with Smiley. I thought I would be all obsessive and crazy...but really, I feel cool. I'm totally okay with it. Can you pass me another sticky note?"

'We'll always have plaster of Paris.'

"We can still be friends, right?"

"No, really, Smiley...where will you and me be in 10 years?"

"Smiley, where will we be in 10 years?"

"Hold on. Hey, Smiley! Ooh sorry...I can't! I'm heading out to play soccer with Cruz!"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

The prying mantis,

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"She loves you... yeah... yeah... yeah..."

Large Emoticon Collider

"I can't believe he brought her."

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

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