Recent Breakup Gifts

'I'd be willing to settle for a 'Mr. Wrong' who's trainable.'

"When you're single, you're neither loved nor hated."

Being footloose and fancy-free wasn't much fun.

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

'He has delusions of grandeur. He thinks I'm in love with him.'

Men in women's 101

"I wasn't asking for all of the best years of her life-just a couple of good nights."

Months after she broke with the celery, Alice was still being stalked.

"How did you come to the conclusion that some people are better suited for single life?"

"What!? I'm not good enough for you?"

"Have you got anyone on your books who's desperate and doesn't care what I look like?"

"Breaking up its all my fault . . . My fault for not wanting to go out with a loser with the sexual charisma of a doorstop."

"Sorry, singles only."

Gaydar Repair

"Same old, same old, men seem intimidated by a strong woman..."

"I need a man who will commit."

'My girlfriend broke it off last night.'

'It's my old boy friend from high school! He wants to know if I'm still married!'

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

Bob tries to win her back with flowers.

'Listen to this one: 'Overweight, wrinkled skin, large ears and nose'... She sounds perfect!'

'Have you considered your x-height?'

"It sure is nice talking to you. It seems that everyone I meet these days has a chip on his shoulder." "On his shoulder? I assume you are talking about males."

'The date didn't go too well. I should have taken her to a place that had more challenging placemats.'

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

"I'm just tired of chasing after men who are gingerbread."

Boyfriend Shirt, Boyfriend Jeans. . . Boyfriend.

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

Dan, Carla's interests include brooding over failed relationships and fending off her mother's pleas for grandchildren. Carla, Dan is terrified of commitment and has a negative bank balance."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."