Breakup Bard Gifts

'I hope you'll dump me... I want to start writing poetry.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

The prying mantis,

"She loves you... yeah... yeah... yeah..."

"I can't believe he brought her."

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

Blues artis's daily list

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

"Are you growing that mustache to make me break up with you?"

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."