Quit Coach Gifts

'When you put on a new patch you're meant to take the old one off!'

'Ten patches! That is the worse smoking habit I ever seen!'

No smoking initiative.

'This is his first year without a cigarette.'

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Just be yourself."

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

I like the Jets...I guess

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Reach for the Star.

'I love your cardiovascular system!'

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

"I hate performance review season."

Time Is Money

Go! Means NOW!

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

The trauma of losing.

Back to school.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a MAP, actually."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

Bringing Your Child To The Bicycle Race

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

A Hard Look At Hard Looks

'Why couldn't you throw like that in the game?'

'Pass it to Dewey! He's got himself into some kind of rhythm!!'

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'