Retail Transitioner Gifts

"Honestly, I saw this place as a stepping stone to my true calling!"

'I have this fear of the real world...'

Cut Price

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

"Home depot."

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

"Where are you guys going?" "We’re out of here!" "It’s October 28th!" "The new team are running late. We need you to stay until February 2025!" "But I’m tired!!" "How do we know they won’t bail on us again?"

"Al, you've been chosen Businessman of the Year by the Junior Chamber of Commerce."

"I just..."

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

'I'm looking for something to impress the shareholders.'

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

"I feel there's a whole culture around mules."

'Dude, touring with a punk rock band was fun, but what I'd really like to do is be CEO of a fortune 500 company.'

clock shopkeeper says timing is everything

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

"It's not expensive, sir, when you consider it's long smell-by date!"

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!

'And a special feature on this model is the diet ice cubes.'

Life and Death

A new career for George W. Bush: taster in a pretzel factory.

Clock and Watch Shop: Second-Hand Clocks and Minute-Hand Clocks.

'Each one is signed and numbered.'

"Great for worship then! Great for retail now!"

"Nice design but you haven't quite mastered the technology!"

Vintage Dresses: Your Frock Exchange

'Our goal is for you to successfully transition to your new job before retirement age.'

'The body's ok, but the neck's too tight.'

Last Chance for Everything.

'Well you checked my £20 note so I'm checking the change you gave me!'

To-Let Town Centre Map

Black Friday - the day the retailer is crucified