Business Transition Gifts

"Your lease is up" threatening letter.

The Cowards Way Out.

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

Others will fight for you

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

Work/Life Balance

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

Work Parfait

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

'There they go - off on their own - and a finer bunch of fledgelings one couldn't ask.'

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"Welcome aboard. We will endeavor to treat you with dignity and respect. Now get you and your stupid face out of my office."