Transitioning Gifts

'Oh no, not you again,'

"It's Cal, not Callie anymore. I'm transitioning."

The fate of the emigrant

'For your information, I am engaging the energy of change and complexity to create the future I desire.'

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

'You do realize you're no longer a pro athlete and there is no preseason to work out the kinks, don't you?'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

Life and Death

'Chicken soup for dummies who don't sweat the small stuff.'

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

"The problem with online schooling is I can't get help from Mom and Dad!"

"Hon, I'm taking your advice and starting a new chapter."

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."

Doubt or Certainy

"He just married me on the rebound."

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

"That's O.K., Dad. I think I'll do with the ambient waterfall sounds tonight."

'So push has come to shove...'

"Have a nice day harvesting data, honey."

Women

PastFuture.

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

"To tell you the truth, I never thought downward mobility would be so, well, downward."

They were right. Life did get better after middle school.

"Yesterday we're caterpillars, today this. Can't wait to see what's next."

"Hello, I'm the bluebird of quiet resignation."

"I love the smell of unemployment in the morning."

'It's a shame, he has MASSES of experience.'

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

'Do I have to enter a plea?'

'We really can't afford golden parachutes any more, but here's a plastic crash helmet.'

'He used to be my tiger, now he's nothing more than a skunk, a boar and a lying toad.'

'You're at that awkward age where the others have figured out that you're a drone and you don't do anything.'

"Sorry, I'm looking for a more permanent relationship."