Transitioning Pillows

'Oh no, not you again,'

"It's Cal, not Callie anymore. I'm transitioning."

The fate of the emigrant

'For your information, I am engaging the energy of change and complexity to create the future I desire.'

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

'You do realize you're no longer a pro athlete and there is no preseason to work out the kinks, don't you?'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

Life and Death

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

'Chicken soup for dummies who don't sweat the small stuff.'

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

"Hon, I'm taking your advice and starting a new chapter."

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."

"The problem with online schooling is I can't get help from Mom and Dad!"

Doubt or Certainy

'So push has come to shove...'

Women

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

"That's O.K., Dad. I think I'll do with the ambient waterfall sounds tonight."

"Have a nice day harvesting data, honey."

PastFuture.

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

"I love the smell of unemployment in the morning."

They were right. Life did get better after middle school.

'It's a shame, he has MASSES of experience.'

"Yesterday we're caterpillars, today this. Can't wait to see what's next."

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

"Hello, I'm the bluebird of quiet resignation."

"To tell you the truth, I never thought downward mobility would be so, well, downward."

'Do I have to enter a plea?'

'We really can't afford golden parachutes any more, but here's a plastic crash helmet.'

'You're at that awkward age where the others have figured out that you're a drone and you don't do anything.'

'He used to be my tiger, now he's nothing more than a skunk, a boar and a lying toad.'

'Some of these young school leavers aren't remotely prepared for the realities of the modern work environment.'