Retail Rhapsodist Gifts

'I am really tired of this elevator music we hear all day in the store.'

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

"Wait a sec, I have a coupon around here somewhere."

"I shop, therefore I am."

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

"Sure, shopping online is faster and cheaper, but there's something almost sensuous about carrying an armload of packages!"

'Let's send her a text message; 'You're FIRED!''

A young couple selects items from a shop.

"Buying me a new pair of shoes would go a long way toward making this world a less dangerous place."

Pirates at the mall.

'How much would you take off for cash?'

"Dear, you are Definitely coming back as a centipede."

Self-Checkout.

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.

Last Chance for Everything.

Poetry Buff.

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

"Sorry, Martin, but because you're the weakest link in our food chain here, you're fired."

'Don't just stand there doing nothing! Sell yourself a suit!'

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

Brick and Mortar

Seven deadly sins store

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

'No thanks, just looking.'

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

"They came up with a new class of anti-depressants that will inhibit compulsive shopping."

"Do you have this in an $11.99?"

Retail store: 'put this on and shut up!'

Temporarily closed to rethink our concept.

'Conglomo Corporation: Proud manufacturer of outrageously useless stuff you apparently can't live without.'

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

Giant sale - 'Sorry Luv - that's the last one.'