Retail Rhapsodist Gifts

'I am really tired of this elevator music we hear all day in the store.'

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

"I shop, therefore I am."

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

"Wait a sec, I have a coupon around here somewhere."

"Sure, shopping online is faster and cheaper, but there's something almost sensuous about carrying an armload of packages!"

"Amazon's new A.I. just 'gets' me."

A young couple selects items from a shop.

'Let's send her a text message; 'You're FIRED!''

"Buying me a new pair of shoes would go a long way toward making this world a less dangerous place."

Pirates at the mall.

'How much would you take off for cash?'

"Dear, you are Definitely coming back as a centipede."

Self-Checkout.

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.

Last Chance for Everything.

Poetry Buff.

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

Brick and Mortar

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

'Don't just stand there doing nothing! Sell yourself a suit!'

"Sorry, Martin, but because you're the weakest link in our food chain here, you're fired."

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

"Do you have this in an $11.99?"

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

'No thanks, just looking.'

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

Hey, Ernie, you're trying on costumes for the Halloween party! No, I'm finding clothes for my job at the store. I need to fit in the Christmas Decorations there. They've been up for weeks. It's too soon! I don't like decorations going up so early! Cupid's another way I could dress for work. The Valentine's Day decorations are going up right now!

Retail store: 'put this on and shut up!'

"They came up with a new class of anti-depressants that will inhibit compulsive shopping."

Seven deadly sins store

Temporarily closed to rethink our concept.

'Conglomo Corporation: Proud manufacturer of outrageously useless stuff you apparently can't live without.'

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'