Retail Relaxer Gifts

"Have you ever tried buying lots of stuff?"

"Ahhh... close enough."

American Idle.

"And then, when I feel like a rum punch and breaded shrimp, I can just swim to Tony’s Trattoria."

Man is caught swimming on an inflable float in a moat by the knights.

Cat Panels. Cats soak up sun on rooftop like solar panels.

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

'The cruises and long vacations ensure I'm not micro-managing.'

"I do wish Henry could run into someone from the dress business to talk to."

Last night I went over to Lance's house, and he was leaning back in his recliner, drinking a beer, eating a pizza and smoking a cigar. I said, "Tsk! Tsk!" He asked if that was for the recliner, the beer the pizza or the cigar. I explained that I'm quite adept at multi-tsking.

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

'I've still got the fire in my belly, but for the next two weeks I'm solar powered.'

"Why don't other people ever do this?"

Man about dog relaxing in chair: 'He's a full-blooded recliner.'

"Sometimes I stop to think and forget to start again."

'But I feel quite healthy.'

"And this is my husband...he's into energy conservation, mostly his own!"

"The president wants me to stay on as unemployed."

I'm practicing for retirement - one hour every day.

"Oooo!... Leather! I'd love to shed on that!!"

Lazy dog.

Pearson, I Smell Something Burning

I am ready for my wine.

"Didn't I tell you to limber up before you started channel surfing?"

"I am ready for my wine."

"Now bend forward to touch floor between feet- try to keep knees straight."

'How's the executive training program, going?'

His entire life was about balance.

'My husband has retired from the bench.'

"I said I've travelled all over the world. I never said I got out of the box."

"Don't get me wrong, I love my mistress, but there are 27 of us, so I like to get away now and then to get some privacy..."

"Because I'm the king and I like it better than the old one, that's why."

'The best part of growing old is not having to invest for the long term.'

"Since Frank retired two years ago, he's been on the alert for some long-dormant artistic talent to develop."