Serial Relaxer Gifts

"You never had to learn to relax, did you Fred?"

'It's your birthday, if you point me in the direction of the kitchen I'll cook dinner, darling.'

"I'm thinking of installing some strobe lights to make it look like he's moving."

"I thought I placed myself on a 'Do not call' list from you people. Well, as long as you're here, can you put Mom on?"

"Ahhh... close enough."

American Idle.

"And then, when I feel like a rum punch and breaded shrimp, I can just swim to Tony’s Trattoria."

Man is caught swimming on an inflable float in a moat by the knights.

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

Chillaxing!

"For heaven's sake lighten up, Roger! You're supposed to be on holiday."

Last night I went over to Lance's house, and he was leaning back in his recliner, drinking a beer, eating a pizza and smoking a cigar. I said, "Tsk! Tsk!" He asked if that was for the recliner, the beer the pizza or the cigar. I explained that I'm quite adept at multi-tsking.

'Now, dear, I spent 35 years pretending to look busy. I can't just quit overnight!'

"I do wish Henry could run into someone from the dress business to talk to."

"First break since 1996!"

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

'I like what I do but I love what I don't do.'

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

"Sometimes I stop to think and forget to start again."

'But I feel quite healthy.'

"Have you ever tried buying lots of stuff?"

"My husband hid my laptop to stop me working on vacation."

"And this is my husband...he's into energy conservation, mostly his own!"

"The president wants me to stay on as unemployed."

"Oooo!... Leather! I'd love to shed on that!!"

I'm practicing for retirement - one hour every day.

Lazy dog.

"Sure, I had a retirement plan. Stop going to work"

"Sidney gets nervous if he's too far from his money."

"I said I've travelled all over the world. I never said I got out of the box."

"Because I'm the king and I like it better than the old one, that's why."

'Monday morning feeling? But it's thursday!'

"Didn't I tell you to limber up before you started channel surfing?"

'My husband has retired from the bench.'

His entire life was about balance.