Resume Consultant Gifts

'Unemployed doesn't look good on your resume. How about we say during that period you were a freelance writer?'

'Cum Laude Graduate: Need to hire a resume consultant in order to 'Dumb Down.''

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

"What do you mean it's not 'Thong Thursday?'"

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

'This is the last time we post job openings,'

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

Over enthusiastic headhunter

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"You look a lot better on paper than you do online."

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

"How flexible are we on the issue of flex time?"

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

'... No, you're not on the short list. You're not even on the long list.'

'Miss Peterson will be with you as soon as she goes through a few other resumes.'

Women's day - 'work'

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

'Good to see you back at work.'

'Your resume is certainly impressive, Mr. Simmons, but do you have any on the job experience?'