Resume Consultant T-Shirts

'Unemployed doesn't look good on your resume. How about we say during that period you were a freelance writer?'

Resume Consultant. I can polish up your resume, but I won't be able to pound all the dents. (Published originally on Janurary 8, 2009.)

Resume Consultant. To avoid giving anybody the wrong idea, you should stop calling yourself a "hands-on" manager.

Resume Consultant. I can polish up your resume, but I won't be able to pound all the dents.

Resume Consultant. Listing professional development courses you've taken since your last job was fine, but don't put"New & Improved" above your name.

'Cum Laude Graduate: Need to hire a resume consultant in order to 'Dumb Down.''

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"What do you mean it's not 'Thong Thursday?'"

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

'This is the last time we post job openings,'

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

Over enthusiastic headhunter

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"How flexible are we on the issue of flex time?"

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

"You look a lot better on paper than you do online."

Personnel. Don't assume I'm incompetent, give me a chance to prove it!

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

'Miss Peterson will be with you as soon as she goes through a few other resumes.'

The Joy of Recession

'... No, you're not on the short list. You're not even on the long list.'