Resume Connoisseur Gifts

'About this cv of yours...' - 'You can skip over the part about the potty training.'

The First Annual Game Show Week.

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

Sundar Pichai's first doodle.

Of pitting his own wits against their natural cunning

'Love me little, love me long.'

"He's an abstract artist."

'If content is king, why doesn't anybody want to pay for it.'

S**t Threw a Goose

"It's called 'Sold'."

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

Goldilocks and the three boyfriends.

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

'I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

"Who's the artist?"

'The website made a mistake. Not 'erotic' - 'neurotic'.'

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"According to our eye tracking studies,either nobody is looking at the content on our site, or all the participants have lazy eye."

Note to viewers: we've cut back on sexual content by replacing it with violence.

'I see that you have a B.A. degree in collating and stapling. Your parents must be very proud.'

'Guilty? But I just hired an expensive personnel firm to update my resume.'

'I'm hiring a football equipment manager to add some padding to my résumé.'

"I said 'I quit'. Nobody listens to me any more."

"I'm afraid you will have to sign a non-disclosure agreement."