Job Talk Connoisseur Gifts

Irish Bricklayer

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

Men gossiping

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

Infection Control Center. Now Hiring. I should have said "I'm not afraid of hard work" rather than "I don't mind getting my hands dirty."

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

Trappist talk show.

'My strength lies in my ability to deny my weaknesses.'

"You do something about Human Rights and trade or...or....or..."

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

'Other than the fact that you were a trustee at the county jail, do you have any other character references?'

Can I ask you a question, man-to-man? Sure, little buddy. What do "man-to-man talks" usually consist of? What? I've never really had one, I don't think. What usually goes into them? Sports? Shaving? Carburetors? A little of this, a little of that. There's a proper ratio, of course. I'm not good at math.

Silly News.

Bookshop: Our Bestsellers - Empty Phrases

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

"We should probably talk about the elephant in the Roomba."

A candidate makes their greatest impact on an interviewer in the first few minutes...

"You come highly recommended. I like that."

White Wine Wisdom (2)

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"Would you thrive in a hostile work environment?"

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

'What went particularly well?'

'OK, Mr Henman, apart from hitting balls into a net what oher skills do you have?'

'I'm an equal opportunities employer, Mr Moore, but I would expect you to shave before an interview.'

"NOBODY LISTENS ANYMORE."

'You do obscenity very well. Can you talk without being obscene as well?'