Restraint Master Gifts

An act of amazing restraint.

Little girl dangling from her horse track.

Gary turns 40.

'I missed work due to a rib injury from belly-laughing at your jokes.'

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

"I'm not the only one who hates you changing the channel every second. Now when you want to watch TV, the remote escapes."

'Your reflexes are still good!'

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

'What did I tell you about getting caught on the ropes?'

"I wonder which will come first. Me finishing this binge worthy Netflix series or another Netflix rate hike."

Ah, geez, there goes my groin muscle again.

TV Remote undoes a man's trousers.

'Helen! I'm all settled in and I don't want to get up. Would you get the remote for me?'

I'm so busy at home I need three hands. One for the chips, one for the beer, and one for the remote!

'When are you gonna get me some real competition?'

Yoga in Heaven

"I should have know he was a control freak when he seduced me in his signal box."

Servant talking to her old master about her new position

'It's the TV remote - he has a death grip on it.'

'Whoa! Time out. The loud guy in the white shirt is right - that was a ball. My mistake. Sorry everyone. Thank you, sir.'

"Every appliance, every light, every bit of electronics in the house is controlled by a single remote that I haven't yet been able to find."

Play golf on the billiards table.

Four thousand dollars later and there's STILL nothing to watch!

"There goes a man of few words."

"I hope I can still move like that when I'm her age."

"Nothing personal. It's just business."

Gymnastics.

Bench Press you!

'I've gone over the fight tapes and I think I've pinpointed your weakness.'

Missing the score on a split-screen TV

"You can just say you don't like it ... you don't have to make that face!"

'Boss, come here quick!'

'Why is a teacher always first on the scene?'

'He's been trying to control the television for years.'

Sloth...