Self-restraint Expert Gifts

Well, Look Who's Hungry Again

'You realize, of course, there's a seven-day waiting period.'

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

"Are you OK hun?"

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

'Don't come down until your thirty five.'

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

"I'm here to warn you, do not eat both slices of cake – you're going to want one tomorrow."

"Thank you for coming. The talks were forthright and useful, and provided an excellent climate in which to resolve our remaining differences."

"I can do this all day, marshmallow. I have a bright life ahead of me. You, on the other hand... I'm not so sure."

"You choose now to suddenly become romantic?"

"I got a bonus for the first time in years. Would it be selfish to spend it on myself instead of on Christmas gifts?"

In case of fire call yourself.

'They're using honey to draw us out. Fortunately, they underestimate our willpower.'

"I'm still waiting for an event to justify the kind of money I throw at you."

"Don't worry, she's still alcohol aware."

"She won't even notice when it's safe to go out again."

'For throwing spitballs in class, I am sending you to the principal's office. It's nothing personal. It's just a classroom management thing.'

"It's tough sticking to a diet when you're surrounded by temptation."

The Olympic Pings

"Everything goes right to my hips."

Scale: You don't want to know.

"Mid-life crisis is so defining - couldn't we just call it 'Puberty - the sequel?"

Me On A Diet: "I should not be eating this!"

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and I think I've got bovine spongiform encephalitis."

Woman chaining herself to refrigerator so heavy man cannot open it.

Expert and Ex-Pert

Jesus is tempted in the desert.

"I'm warning you, young lady. You've got to the count of three before I say 'I'm not kidding'."