Self-control Challenger Gifts

Me On A Diet: "I should not be eating this!"

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

"I want to make it before I hit thirty."

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

Don't Take No For an Answer

"These cartoons are insulting! I don't like it at all! I would never watch something that shows Latinos like this!"

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

'I have way too much respect and dignity to dye the grey out of my hair... so instead could you all just put on these brown-tinted glasses.'

'And this is what Larry calls his 'man cave'.'

Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she could deal with her midlife crisis. You should try a radical makeover. When I hit midlife, I dyed my hair, got some tattoos, and dropped 75 pounds. My husband barely recognized me when he returned from overseas. He was not happy with my "new self," so I divorced him rather than change who I'd become. It was the best decision I'd made since I cut my thieving mother out

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

"Wanna come over and watch the big game?....I was actually talking about the new 'Pac-Man vs. Superman' X-box game."

"I'm here to warn you, do not eat both slices of cake – you're going to want one tomorrow."

"Do you promise to love and comfort yourself, on good days and bad, for richer, for poorer, in weight gain and loss, as long as you shall live?"

Veni, Vidi, Vici, Mani, Pedi.

"Welcome aboard, Ms Pebble. We felt you fit our boardroom image rather well."

"I can do this all day, marshmallow. I have a bright life ahead of me. You, on the other hand... I'm not so sure."

Self Love Witch

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending" yourself on Facebook."

'You know, it's not good for kids' self-esteem to keep harping on about this 'naughty or nice' stuff.'

"Just stop and ask for directions...we are going to miss Rihanna!"

"I changed Siri's voice to a man, now it won't ask google for directions."

"Your profile says you're a lumberjack, I though they were all big buggers."

'Are we birds? Are these wings? Well, let's get rid of this idea that we can't fly!'

"Jewish people go out for Chinese food, but do you ever see Chinese people going out for Jewish food?"

"I hear that women's brains are more active in the area involving self control."

'You've got a lot of nerve, lady, calling my son's answers 'wrong'...His answers may be different, but they're just as special and beautiful as anyone else's.'

"That's an interesting question, Clint. I don't know if my gun rack is an authentic regionalism or just a macho affectation."

The full male cycle

Careers Advice

'Give me the most soft and gentle looking unicorn tattoo you've got!'

"Sometimes, you will be asked to go days without Netflix."

"Yeah, at first glance, you would classify me as a hard-rocker, but I'm more into classical music really..."