Restaurant Server Gifts

"Can the chef prepare it in some way no one has ever prepared anything before?"

'Is it local?'

"You can see by its smile that this halibut was humanely killed."

"There was a time when we made actual wine recommendations. Now all you have to say is 'they're all good and go with everything.'"

"The menu simply says 'Fried Fish.' I'm waiting for you to provide the lyrical description."

Soup of the Deja Vu

"To dine is human; to tip, divine."

"Please bring me what that guy is having."

"Nothing fancy. Just the house sparrow please."

"My name's Karezog, Despoiler of Worlds, Devourer of Souls. I'll be your server tonight."

"Why are you dressed like that? Is this stuff supposed to taste funny?"

"Would you like to order any apps? They are available to download."

"Well yes, I did say pizza with everything..."

'Not too nitid was the potboy who served pooris to a looby.'

"Is the meal to Madam's satisfaction?"

'It's nice to get out of that cubicle at work!'

"I'll have the pork rinds dipped in fish formula."

'Waiter! There's no hair in my soup!'

'Henry! The woman wants to take your order.'

"You get free veggies when you order meatloaf -- We call it the 'peas dividend.'"

"Hi, welcome to Hooter."

"Our prices have to be high because our chef doesn't have his own tv show."

"Would you like to see a dessert menu or do you not need a little treat after each meal?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Counting ribs

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.