Restaurant Server Gifts

"Can the chef prepare it in some way no one has ever prepared anything before?"

'Is it local?'

"You can see by its smile that this halibut was humanely killed."

"This wine is liberal bordering on the reckless. Bring me something more capitalist."

"There was a time when we made actual wine recommendations. Now all you have to say is 'they're all good and go with everything.'"

"The menu simply says 'Fried Fish.' I'm waiting for you to provide the lyrical description."

Soup of the Deja Vu

"To dine is human; to tip, divine."

"Please bring me what that guy is having."

"Tell you what, just tweet me your order when you're ready."

"Nothing fancy. Just the house sparrow please."

"My name's Karezog, Despoiler of Worlds, Devourer of Souls. I'll be your server tonight."

"Why are you dressed like that? Is this stuff supposed to taste funny?"

"Would you like to order any apps? They are available to download."

"Well yes, I did say pizza with everything..."

'Not too nitid was the potboy who served pooris to a looby.'

"Is the meal to Madam's satisfaction?"

'It's nice to get out of that cubicle at work!'

"I'll have the pork rinds dipped in fish formula."

'Waiter! There's no hair in my soup!'

'Henry! The woman wants to take your order.'

"You get free veggies when you order meatloaf -- We call it the 'peas dividend.'"

"Hi, welcome to Hooter."

What do you have that's been on the floor? (Originally published on 2007-10-19).

"Our prices have to be high because our chef doesn't have his own tv show."

"Would you like to see a dessert menu or do you not need a little treat after each meal?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Counting ribs

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."