Restaurant Employee Gifts

Entry-level positions at KFC.

"Behave – this guy's a good tipper."

Menu. Do you ever date customers? Not the ones who ask for a fly in their soup.

Rudy, the sleeping pills you're taking are causing a serious problem. I'm fine. You're half asleep! You can't keep coming to work like this. I'm totally lucid. You served one customer an all-bread sandwich. So? Two pieces of bread with a third slice in the middle! Was the bread not toasted?

"We're being paid minimum wage so do only a minimum, amount of work."

"Ernesto! I didn't know you worked here!"

"They already offered these jobs to robots. They said they weren't that desperate."

Customer Service

"...But this job is essential! Our safety doesn't matter! Americans can't survive without eating from a drive-thru!"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Counting ribs

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

Burger Queen: The Patriarchy is Dead.