Restaurant Employee Gifts

Entry-level positions at KFC.

"Behave – this guy's a good tipper."

"We're being paid minimum wage so do only a minimum, amount of work."

"Ernesto! I didn't know you worked here!"

"They already offered these jobs to robots. They said they weren't that desperate."

Customer Service

"...But this job is essential! Our safety doesn't matter! Americans can't survive without eating from a drive-thru!"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Counting ribs

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"You owe me five bucks."

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."