Restaurant Manager Gifts

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

"Don't you just love it when they lick the plates?"

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

"We're not a seafood restaurant -- this building has a pretty severe lobster infestation."

"Excuse me, we're out of water."

"Is there anyone here who specializes in stress management?"

"Can I bring you something else to complain about?"

'Hi, my name's Krystyn, and I'll be the nutritionist liaison to your waiter tonight.'

"The fish - will it be the market price at the time of ordering, the time of eating or the time of paying?"

'Excuse me, could everyone be quiet, I'm trying to talk on my cellphone.'

'You'll find it has a bouquet reminiscent of cherries and chocolate, a silky texture and best of all, for me, a 72% gross margin.'

"It's a good idea to tip first. That way I know what level of service you expect."

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

"Sorry folks-it's not what you ordered, but everyone is getting fettucine until we fix the computer."

'Sorry, smile's off...'

'Easily annoyed by nearby texting guests or not easily annoyed by nearby texting guests.'

Which wine will go well with a limited expense account?

"Waiter, I'd like to order, unless I've eaten, in which case bring me the check."

'Do you have a traditional Christmas dinner, but for a lacto-vegan fruitarian?'

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

'At prices like this I bet you don't get many customers in here.' - 'At prices like this we don't need many.'

In-House Entertainment Consists Of Man Riding Pizza Cutter Cutting Giant Pizza While Making a Pizza

'The food is terrible! I won't eat it! Get the Manager!'

'And how would you like your porridge, too hot, too cold, or just right?'

"Hello, my name is Roberto, and I will be your enabler this evening."

The wine and water lists.

'I ordered an aperitif not a pair of teeth.'

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

'The health department will be here any minute. Get rid of all the salmonella back there.'

Man about to empty his tray into a bin labelled: 'Feedback'.

'Wow, they really baby you here!'

"Would the gentleman prefer an antidepressant?"

"I'll have the Catch of the Day."

'Excuse me, but is there anywhere we can get something to eat while we're waiting to get something to eat?'

'I'm sorry the food's rubbish...All our chefs are on TV tonight.'