Diner Employee Gifts

"Your son's autism is still affecting his job, but we're learning to deal with some of his repetitive symptoms."

'Yeah we found it, hey Ichabod, remember that jack o' lantern somebody left at table two this morning? Where is it?'

'Can I get a box for this?'

Counting ribs

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"You owe me five bucks."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

"Deep-dish pizza calls for deep-glass beer."

"Sorry, that's not my table."

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

'Who gets the decaf?'

Countervailing Clichés.

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'I'd like a round table!'

Diner

'I was hoping for a better bonus this year.'

"Honey, have you seen my onions?"

'How is the water prepared?'

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."