Diner Staff Gifts

'One slice of toast and a bottle of ketchup, please.'

'Soda jerk...just a jerk.'

'Todays special is yesterdays left overs.'

Waiter says to customer: 'Yes sir, that is the seafood platter. If you wanted something on it you should have said.'

Smoking or non-smoking?

'Regular or decapitated?'

'There ya go...Three coffees, Sure you don't wanna make that a bottomless cup?'

"Just a drop."

'Who gets the decaf?'

'Cook just recalled the meatloaf. No reason given.'

I recommend the ketchup.

Chicken Coupe.

"I need to devour the unborn!"

"Keep pouring. I'm a masochist."

Waitress, my egg is a bit runny!

"Shows how strong our coffee is."

'Watermelon - a fruit to eat, drink and wash your ears with.'

We still prepare our food the old fashioned way...from a can!

"I've put you down for my afternoon shift."

'Home-made pie will be quick, I only live 10 minutes from here.'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup,,,'

"Waiter I asked for apricot preserve with my toast!"

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

"I'll have the prayer breakfast."

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

"Maybe we should give them names."

Ernie's the person who put the "quiz" in cuisine.

'The waitress gave us a weird look. On the way back, I'd better drive and you can stick your head out the window.'

'Joe's Junk Food.' 'At least he's honest.'

Cook spills food and has to open a can (tin).

"I do have a song in my heart. It just happens to be a song everybody hates."

Kitty Clock

'How about some beef stew? -- the wusses from the Health Department made us discontinue the chili.'

Leo's Diner, Home of the Bottomless Cup of Coffee

'I'll have that old breakfast standard, Shih-Tzu-On-a-Shingle.'