Diner Chef Gifts

In a coal miner diner, customers have fainted from the fumes.

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'He made an excellent jelly.'

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

Countervailing Clichés.

'Who gets the decaf?'

"An untested recipe. An uncalibrated oven. Substituted ingredients. And yet, the cake...the cake is...magnificent!"

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'How is the water prepared?'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

'Can I have flies with that'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

Doughnut Making

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"How come we never have 'Baked Alaska'?"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

Al's Diner. Special: Spaghetti. All You Can Eat $3.95. Ernie, don't play with your food unless you're sure you can win.

'A Quarter-Tonner, please.'

Choice hellhole

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

'Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!' 'That's not soup! It's gumbo.'

'Regular or decapitated?'

You're pig-headed, Louis, I like that in a man.

'Can I get a box for this?'

'... Of course, I had to train for this job. I went to sundae school.'