Diner Critic Gifts

Today's 'Are You Feelin' Lucky' special is all you can eat raw oysters.

"I'm still waiting for my coffee. Has Juan Valdez left South America yet?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

"How fresh is the calamari?"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Your lobster was off!

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'It's my favorite.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'Strong curry for two and a fire-extinguisher.'

"Your meal sounded nice."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"Expense account or regular?"

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"Great coffee, Carole."

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

'Can I have flies with that'

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'I really don't know why we bother coming here - the food's always crap.'

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

"I can't hurry when ordering. There's a lot of ecological geopolitics involved here."

"And how would you like your steak?"

Pick Your Own Baby Lamb Chop