Diner Worker Gifts

Chair massages.

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'Who gets the decaf?'

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

Countervailing Clichés.

"Honey, have you seen my onions?"

'I was hoping for a better bonus this year.'

'How is the water prepared?'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

'Can I have flies with that'

"'Well done' lulled him into complacency."

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'A Quarter-Tonner, please.'

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

"I could have sworn I had three sausages!"

'Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!' 'That's not soup! It's gumbo.'

'Regular or decapitated?'

Gone to lunch back in 10 mins.

"He's my cousin. It's just until he can find a new restaurant to work in."

You're pig-headed, Louis, I like that in a man.