Diner Employee T-Shirts

"Your son's autism is still affecting his job, but we're learning to deal with some of his repetitive symptoms."

'Yeah we found it, hey Ichabod, remember that jack o' lantern somebody left at table two this morning? Where is it?'

'Can I get a box for this?'

Counting ribs

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"You owe me five bucks."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"Deep-dish pizza calls for deep-glass beer."

'Who gets the decaf?'

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Countervailing Clichés.

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'I'd like a round table!'

'I was hoping for a better bonus this year.'

Diner

"Honey, have you seen my onions?"

'How is the water prepared?'

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)