Diner Waitress T-Shirts

'What have you got?.' 'If you don't smell it we haven't got it.'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

'Who gets the decaf?'

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

Countervailing Clichés.

'How is the water prepared?'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

'Can I have flies with that'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'Meat cooked, but carrots still hard.' Hand in pot

'A Quarter-Tonner, please.'

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

'Regular or decapitated?'

'Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!' 'That's not soup! It's gumbo.'

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"Today's special is we'll pull the plug on the jukebox if someone else's music annoys you."

You're pig-headed, Louis, I like that in a man.

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

'Can I get a box for this?'

"I'll have the prayer breakfast."

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'Yeah we found it, hey Ichabod, remember that jack o' lantern somebody left at table two this morning? Where is it?'

"What do you recommend today?"

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

Big Boy Foot

"Would you like to see a dessert menu or do you not need a little treat after each meal?"

Cafe: 'Soup of the day, Hon, is 'primordial'.'

'Ralph, I'm gonna' need wings on the fly!'

'You made me jump,'