New Restaurant Job Gifts

"House red, sir?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Counting ribs

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

"The fish sticks here are very good."

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

"You owe me five bucks."

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

Burger Queen: The Patriarchy is Dead.

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."