Food Server Gifts

"There. Fly problem: solved. You need anything else, or can I go back to my break?"

'We're all out of socks, - how about a nice slipper instead?'

"I wash my hands 20 times a day...that's why the foam tastes like soap suds."

"Don't think of it as covered with food stains, think of it as a 'Scratch and Sniff' menu."

"I'm glad you enjoyed your meal, Sir. Did you save some room for shame?"

Genetically modified food cafe

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

"Rump roast?"

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"It's probably just seasonal."

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Artisan hot dog stand has pigs tethered to it.

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

"How would you like your steak sir—really well done or raw? We've got a new chef."

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"As you can guess, Rico is my role model."

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"Make me one with everything!"

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"Would you like me to warm up your eggs?"

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"A little lamb please."

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"