Food Server Gifts

"There. Fly problem: solved. You need anything else, or can I go back to my break?"

'We're all out of socks, - how about a nice slipper instead?'

"I wash my hands 20 times a day...that's why the foam tastes like soap suds."

"Don't think of it as covered with food stains, think of it as a 'Scratch and Sniff' menu."

"I'm glad you enjoyed your meal, Sir. Did you save some room for shame?"

Genetically modified food cafe

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

"Rump roast?"

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."

"It's probably just seasonal."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

Artisan hot dog stand has pigs tethered to it.

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

"How would you like your steak sir—really well done or raw? We've got a new chef."

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"Make me one with everything!"

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

"As you can guess, Rico is my role model."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

"We're not just some tavern, you know. Those Greek olives make us a Taverna."

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"It's a combination of pizza and sushi and taco and egg roll and...it's just something everyone loves."

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.