Foodservice Gifts

'I'm sorry about the icy sidewalks Mr. Pizza Guy! Let me get my camera, ok? Just wait a minute.'

"Rump roast?"

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"What's happened to Quiche?"

"How would you like your steak sir—really well done or raw? We've got a new chef."

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"Would you like me to warm up your eggs?"

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

"We're not just some tavern, you know. Those Greek olives make us a Taverna."

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"A little lamb please."

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

Seasonal workers in the restaurant trade: 'Salt...pepper'.

'I asked for a rare steak and you certainly don't see many as BAD as this!'

"Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is PERFECT for them."

"I'm told the items marked with happy faces are especially yummy."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

'What if someone says 'everything is not alright'?'

'You wouldn't believe how hard it is for me to unwind after work.'

'We don't bring you anything. That's the surprise part.'

"Take your time. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."