Food Service Industry Gifts

"I'll have the 'Sammy the bull' …hold the quail eggs."

"Rump roast?"

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

Another day in the Splenda mines

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

"How would you like your steak sir—really well done or raw? We've got a new chef."

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

Ghostbasters 3

"What's happened to Quiche?"

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

"Would you like me to warm up your eggs?"

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

'Mom, where does bacon come from?'

"We're not just some tavern, you know. Those Greek olives make us a Taverna."

"A little lamb please."

'What?! Not even one of you wants to see how they're made?'

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

'I asked for a rare steak and you certainly don't see many as BAD as this!'

Seasonal workers in the restaurant trade: 'Salt...pepper'.

'What if someone says 'everything is not alright'?'

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

If Einstein had worked in Fast Food

'We don't bring you anything. That's the surprise part.'