Food Service Professional Gifts

"How's the squid?"

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

'We just drive by and throw candy and stuff like in a parade.'

"I'm supposed to sing you the specials. Do you want me to do that?"

Seasonal workers in the restaurant trade: 'Salt...pepper'.

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"What a slobster."

"I'm regretting that I offered him free lunch instead of an increased salary!"

"You see, you've got to keep them on their toes."

Man sees vendor selling 'Diversified Meatrolls'.

"Your chicken was free-range, organically raised, and named Denise."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

The social distancing pepper mill.

"Leave him a good tip, Arthur. He's really cute."

"Don't worry, Jimmy. If I die you'll be taken care of. Quickly."

"The Manhattan clam chowder,… Soho, Chelsea, east village or upper west side?"

"Oh, we've been a theme restaurant for about a month now."

"Rump roast?"

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

"How would you like your steak sir—really well done or raw? We've got a new chef."

"What's happened to Quiche?"

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

Cow being force fed hormones and producing milk.

'Can't stand diary products myself, but a job's a job.'

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"