Food Service Industry Professional Gifts

"I'll have what he's having."

"Rump roast?"

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Another day in the Splenda mines

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"How would you like your steak sir—really well done or raw? We've got a new chef."

Ghostbasters 3

"What's happened to Quiche?"

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

Cow being force fed hormones and producing milk.

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

'Can't stand diary products myself, but a job's a job.'

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"Would you like me to warm up your eggs?"

"We're not just some tavern, you know. Those Greek olives make us a Taverna."

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

"A little lamb please."

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"You know, it really wasn’t that bad."

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

Seasonal workers in the restaurant trade: 'Salt...pepper'.

'I asked for a rare steak and you certainly don't see many as BAD as this!'

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

'We don't bring you anything. That's the surprise part.'