Food Services Gifts

'Would you like to start with a drink, a menu, or my gratuity.'

"Rump roast?"

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"How would you like your steak sir—really well done or raw? We've got a new chef."

"What's happened to Quiche?"

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"We're not just some tavern, you know. Those Greek olives make us a Taverna."

"Would you like me to warm up your eggs?"

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"A little lamb please."

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

'I asked for a rare steak and you certainly don't see many as BAD as this!'

Seasonal workers in the restaurant trade: 'Salt...pepper'.

"I'm told the items marked with happy faces are especially yummy."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"By the way, I'm giving notice I start at Hooters on Monday."

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

'What if someone says 'everything is not alright'?'

'You wouldn't believe how hard it is for me to unwind after work.'

'We don't bring you anything. That's the surprise part.'

"Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is PERFECT for them."

"Take your time. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."