Restaurant Steward Gifts

'Bad enough you let him bring in his own bottle of wine - Did you have to buy it, too?'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Counting ribs

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"The fish sticks here are very good."

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

Burger Queen: The Patriarchy is Dead.

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"You owe me five bucks."

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"Would you like some wings?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'