Restaurant Steward Gifts

'Bad enough you let him bring in his own bottle of wine - Did you have to buy it, too?'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Counting ribs

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"You owe me five bucks."

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"Would you like some wings?"

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'